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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25928929">Clearance Racks and Pickup Lines</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenhomeslice/pseuds/queenhomeslice'>queenhomeslice</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>I Wanna Ride My Chocoboy All Day: Prompto/Reader Stories [27]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Final Fantasy XV</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bad Pick-Up Lines, Cheesy, Chubby Reader, Confident Prompto Argentum, Curvy Reader, F/M, Flirting, Reader-Insert, fat reader, plus size reader, retail worker reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 04:48:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,931</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25928929</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenhomeslice/pseuds/queenhomeslice</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Gladio, Noctis, and Ignis bet Prompto that he can't get a girl's phone number--but the sharpshooter has an ace up his sleeve.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Prompto Argentum/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>I Wanna Ride My Chocoboy All Day: Prompto/Reader Stories [27]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1554340</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>71</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Clearance Racks and Pickup Lines</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Please laugh at this, because I did. Props to Thwippersnapple for linking me to the page of gloriously bad pickup lines. </p><p>Edit: changed to mature rating just in case <br/>-------<br/>Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with Square Enix or any production studios behind the Final Fantasy franchise or Final Fantasy XV; I am not making money from this work and I do not own the rights to FF in any way.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Face it, Blondie—you couldn’t get a date if Iggy put one of his daggers against your throat!” Gladio laughs big and loud, swinging his gigantic bag of camping gear and clothes, holding his ribs as he doubles over with the mirth of his own joke.  </p><p>Noctis snickers apologetically, clapping Prompto on the shoulder and shaking his head. His other hand is carrying a bulging bag from the comics and game store—he can’t wait to get home and unbox his anime figures on his MoogTube channel and take pictures with Prompto in their matching Justice Monsters shirts. “Don’t take it so hard, Prom. You’ll get a girlfriend eventually.” </p><p>Prompto huffs and bites the inside of his cheek, but doesn’t shrug off Noct’s hand. He swats at Gladio’s bicep—the man’s upper arms are as big around as Prompto’s whole head, and Gladio knows it. The royal shield is the walking embodiment of Big Dick Energy if Prompto ever saw one—and even if Gladio’s dick <em>wasn’t </em>big—it is, he’s seen it plenty of times in the Citadel showers after Crownsguard training—the man is so gorgeous that it wouldn’t even matter. Gladio has girls hooked on him left and right before he ever takes them home and gets them under his sheets.  </p><p>“Dude, I <em>told </em>you,”  Prompto whines, looking at all of the shops they’re passing. He’s so glad to have a day off of training, a day just to bum around the mall with his friends...even if  Gladio’s  teasing can get under his skin sometimes. “Maybe I haven’t had as many chicks as you, but...I’m <em>not </em>a virgin.”  </p><p>Gladio rolls his eyes and ruffles Prompto’s hair, making the blond whine in protest and duck away from his reach.  </p><p>“Bro, the hair!” </p><p>“Easy on him, Gladio. You know how much product goes into Prompto’s signature style.” Ignis smirks in Prompto’s direction.  </p><p>He’s safely on the other side of Noctis now, catching his breath and piecing his hair tuffs back this way and that. Prompto glares at Gladio, who only laughs again and shakes his head. “Okay, Chocobutt. Whatever you say.” </p><p>The four men continue their leisurely stroll through the gigantic mall, stopping at the men’s dress store when Ignis spies new pocket squares and matching wing-tip shoes, and at the food court for some pretzel dogs and smoothies for lunch.  </p><p> </p><p>Prompto’s totally enraptured in the meme page on Instagram that Noct is showing him when Gladio’s teasing tone cuts within his earshot.  </p><p>“M’kay, Prompto. If you’re so good with the ladies, I’ll wager five g’s against you going in that shop and getting that girl’s phone number.” </p><p>“Whaaaa, huh?” Prompto’s head snaps up and looks at Gladio’s big stupid pretty face, then follows his line of sight.  </p><p>Gladio’s pointing at a dark, gothic-looking store that’s blasting one of his favorite screamo bands. Prompto grins—he <em>knows </em>this store. In fact, several of his most recent clothes purchases are hanging in the window, mixed in with pop-culture paraphernalia and anime posters. In the doorway is a <em>hot </em>girl, smiling at customers as they move in and out of the shop, handing them bright yellow promotional fliers. She’s got a nose ring and short choppy hair that’s shaved on one side. She’s wearing a black and red-plaid tunic shirt over black leggings, which are faux-shredded at the knee to reveal coeurl-print fabric underneath, and black Doc Martens hug her calves. Black cuffs not so dissimilar to  Prompto’s  own adorn one arm, sleek smartwatch on the other wrist. She’s got multiple ear piercings, naturally pink lips, and her eyes crinkle up in the <em>cutest </em>way when she smiles and speaks to the store’s patrons, despite the fact they’re hidden behind thick-rimmed glasses. The best part? She’s <em>all </em>curves—there's not one part of her that’s remotely small.  </p><p>Prompto feels his face heat up like he’s been struck with one of Iggy’s elemental flasks—and then Gladio lets out a wolfish whistle, causing him to feel a surge of jealousy as he whips his head and looks at the older man.  </p><p>“<em> Damn</em>, now <em>that’s </em>a woman,” Gladio says, biting his lip. “She’s thicker than a bowl of oatmeal—bet she tastes just as good, too.” </p><p>“Gladiolus, please have some decency,” says Ignis, adjusting his glasses. “We are in public. And it’s unbecoming of you to speak of a lady in such a manner.” </p><p>“Why you gotta be the fun police, Iggy?” Gladio teases back. He turns to Prompto and drops his arm once he’s certain the blond has seen the target.  </p><p>“So—wait. You guys are gonna bet money I can’t get her phone number?” Prompto fidgets nervously.  </p><p>“I’ll bet five,” says Gladio nodding in his confidence.  </p><p>“Five—“ </p><p>“Five g’s, like I said.” </p><p>Prompto gulps. “Five <em>thousand </em>yen? Gladio, I don’t have that kind of cash!” Prompto glances sheepishly at his own small shopping bag—two volumes of manga that he’d managed to find at the comic shop, and they were on clearance, to boot. </p><p>“Don’t worry. If you lose—and you will—you'll just pay me back in extra training.” </p><p>Prompto groans.  </p><p>Noctis grins. “I’ll put in ten. If you lose, you have to let me play Genji in our Overwatch matches for a week.” </p><p>Prompto makes an affronted noise. “Dude, my main!” </p><p>“Take it or leave it.” </p><p>The blond gulps. If he can manage to pull this off, he’ll be fifteen <em>thousand </em>yen richer—that's  <em> months’ </em>worth of groceries and bus fare—he might be able to re-subscribe to Netflix for a whole year, and possibly reactivate his  Playstation  Plus account. He’s willing to bet twelve-hour training sessions with  Gladio  and his favorite FPS main on <em>that.</em> </p><p>He glances to Noct’s adviser. “Iggy? You gettin' in on this?” </p><p>Ignis smiles. “Sure, what’s a little fun? I’ll match Gladio’s bet—five thousand if you come back with the young lady’s phone number. Should you lose, you have to go grocery shopping with me for the next week<em>—and  </em> commit to learning at least three new recipes.<em>” </em> </p><p><em> Twenty </em>thousand. Maybe he could even start a savings account with that kind of money. Damn these nobles, and royalty—Prompto knows they don’t mean it, but sometimes they make him feel so damn small. Well—it's not really them. It’s more of Prompto’s own insecurities about his station. He’s just so outclassed, all the time—he tries his damnedest to fit in and be good for Noctis.  </p><p>Prompto looks at his three friends and gulps, nodding. He lets out a long exhale and makes his way over to his favorite store. He looks back when he’s halfway to the door—they're following at a distance, eager to see him crash and burn. Prompto steels his resolve and clutches his manga bag in his gloved hands, pressing forward.  </p><p> </p><p>The woman flushes the cutest shade of pink as she looks at him—and, hello ego boost—actually openly <em>ogles </em>him, running her pretty _____ eyes from the top of his spiked blond hair to his black boots and back to his own wide, violet-blue eyes.  </p><p>“Hey, Prompto, welcome to Hot Topic,” she says, thrusting a flier at him.  </p><p>See, the thing is—Prompto's in here so much, the whole staff knows his name. The whole shop is basically his aesthetic.  </p><p>Prompto takes the flier and smiles warmly, getting butterflies in his stomach. “Hey ________, howzit goin’,” he says casually.  </p><p>She sees the other guys sneak in the store behind him, and her eyes go wide. “Dude,” she says. “Was that...” </p><p>“Noct, and his retainers? Yeah.” Prompto scratches the back of his neck awkwardly, hands still clutched around the flier. “So listen—Gladio, he’s the big one with the tattoo—he's kinda dumb sometimes.” </p><p>“I heard that!” Gladio shouts over the glam-rock ballad that’s now blaring through the store’s loudspeakers.  </p><p>Prompto rolls his eyes. “So, uh...there’s this thing I gotta do...” he whispers low in _________’s ear, mumbling the terms of their bet.  </p><p>____________ grins widely as Prompto pulls back from her face. “I think I can work with that. Lay it on me.” </p><p>“Right,” says Prompto, clearing his throat and turning, catching Gladio’s eye as the sheild  looks at a rack of skull jewelry. Prompto winks, and Gladio raises an eyebrow, catching Noctis by the arm and dragging him behind a shelf full of anime pajama pants so they can witness Prompto’s attempts.  </p><p>“So, Prompto...what brings you in today?” __________ asks innocently, tilting her head at him.  </p><p>“Oh, uh, actually...do you guys sell band-aids?” </p><p>“Uh...band-aids?” </p><p>“Yeah, ‘cause I think I scraped my knee falling for you,” Prompto purrs, easing into this, putting one arm out against the wall, leaning over her, gaze laser-focused on her face.  </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, that was so <em>bad</em>,” says Gladio, whispering to Noctis from their vantage point. “Poor sap ain’t gonna make it.” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, wow, I’m...wow, I’m super flattered, Prompto,” she says, blushing and smiling, clutching the yellow fliers to her chest like a giddy schoolgirl clutching books at her locker. “I do think we have some novelty band-aids in the back, actually. Galaxy print.” </p><p>“Oh, hell yeah,” says Prompto, putting his fingers under her chin and tilting her bright round face up at him. “And hey, speaking of galaxies, are those space pants? ‘Cause that ass is out of this world.” </p><p> </p><p>Gladio’s jaw hits the industrial concrete floor. He can’t believe that first pickup line actually <em>worked </em>without earning him a slap to his freckled face. The fact that Prompto so flawlessly transitioned into the next pickup line, which is objectively even cheesier, is blowing his mind. Have they walked into an alternate universe? He glances at the prince in his peripheral vision. Noctis is just as stunned as he is, blue eyes wide and mouth open in awe.  </p><p> </p><p>The girl giggles and averts her eyes as Prompto continues to cup her chin, leveling his gaze at her. “I, uh...if you’re looking for galaxy-print pants, they’re on sale today...250 yen per pair...” </p><p>Prompto grins. “Cool, I’ll have to check those out. But would guys happen to have any chocobo plushies? I lost mine.” </p><p>The girl pouts adorably. “I don’t think we have any—I'd have to check in the back...” </p><p>“Oh, that’s okay,” says Prompto hungrily. “Maybe I could sleep with you instead?” </p><p> </p><p>Gladio’s mind has literally left the planet. <em>What is happening? Who is this, and what have they done with </em><em>Prompto</em>? The royal shield starts questioning everything he ever knew—Prompto is subverting all of his expectations. Either this poor girl has no taste and can’t recognize a cheesy pickup line when she hears one, or Prompto is more of a natural charmer than Gladio gives him credit for.  </p><p>“Damn,” Noctis says, marveling at the weird sexually-charged scene at the front of the store. “I... he might actually hook this girl. Look at him. Like, <em>who is that?” </em>Noct looks at Gladio. “Bro, we might actually have to pony up the cash.” </p><p>Gladio grits his teeth and turns back to leering at them through the slats in the shelves.  </p><p> </p><p>The girl gasps and giggles again, biting her lip and looking up at Prompto like he’s fuckin’ Adonis. “Wow, Prompto, you’re making me sweat here.” </p><p>“Cool,” says Prompto, thumbing over her double chin. “Whaddaya say we go to the fitting rooms and I’ll find you some new clothes.” </p><p>___________ smirks. “Oh? You gonna pick me out a new outfit?” </p><p>“Sure,” says Prompto, dragging his eyes down her chubby body and then back up. “But it’ll be hard—your clothes would look much better on the floor.” </p><p> </p><p>Gladio has to actually bite back a noise. He feels a closeness at his back and half-turns to Ignis, who’s already holding a black shop bag.  </p><p>“How fares our young Casablanca?” he says, crouching.  </p><p>“He’s, uh, actually making headway. He’s been relentlessly flirting with this girl, and she’s eating it up like he’s a goddamn buffet. I am so confused.” </p><p>Ignis lifts an eyebrow. “Is that so? Perhaps the thought of so much money has given him newfound confidence.” </p><p>Noctis frowns. “I’d give him twice that every day, if he just asked.” </p><p>“Sssshhhhh,” says Gladio. “Wanna hear!” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Prompto—you're being too much. I mean...surely you don’t <em>really </em>think that way about me...” </p><p>“Oh, honey,” Prompto coos, dropping his hand from her chin and moving to card his long trigger fingers through her hair, making her visibly shiver. “Don’t you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by you again?” </p><p> </p><p>Noctis coughs so hard, Gladio has to thump him on the back.  </p><p>“Goodness, I see what you mean,” says Ignis. “How interesting. She really does seem enamored with him.” </p><p>“I mean it ain’t like he’s a bad lookin’ dude,” whispers Gladio. “He’s just so awkward that I didn’t think he had it in him.” </p><p>“Looks like he’s got something to prove,” says Ignis, smiling.  </p><p> </p><p>The girl reaches out and grabs Prompto’s punky patched vest in her short fingers as Prompto continues to pet her hair. “Hm. Well, you do feel like boyfriend material,” she says nervously, looking up at him, biting her lip.  </p><p>Prompto swallows hard and drops his hand, moving to cup her chin again. He tilts her head to the side and presses his slightly chapped lips to her cheek, heart fluttering as he hears her sharp inhale. He pulls back, licking his lips. “There’s more where that came from, baby, if you’re interested.” </p><p>She’s blushing <em>so </em>hard. Their interaction has barely been ten minutes, but __________ feels ready to ride Prompto into the sunset inside the stockroom. She pulls a sharpie from her back pocket and reaches for the flier in Prompto’s fist. He releases it, and she scribbles a sequence of numbers on the blank back, handing it back over to the lean blond.  </p><p>Prompto looks at the phone number with a knowing smile. “I look forward to it. When’s a good time to call.” </p><p>“Uh—my, uh. My shift ends at seven.” </p><p>“Cool, I’ll text you.” Prompto smoothly shoves himself away from the wall and the blushing employee, looking around for his party. “Guys?” he hollers into the store. “I’m ready to go!”  </p><p> </p><p>Prompto whistles the victory tune of his favorite video game as he waves the yellow sale flier over his head in sweeping motions, as the other three men trail behind him in obvious defeat. He turns, noticing that they’re further behind him than he thought. “Hey, pick up the pace, slowpokes! We gotta go to the bank so you guys can pay up.” Prompto’s eyes are sparkling as Noctis catches up with him.  </p><p>The prince throws his arm over Prompto’s shoulder. “Damn, dude. I’ve never seen you like that. You really pulled out all the stops.” </p><p>“Had a lot riding on this,” says Prompto, blowing his bangs from his eyes. “No way I’m letting you play Genji.” </p><p>Noctis laughs. “No, really though. I’m proud of you. That girl seemed really into you. I hope your date is good.” </p><p>Prompto blushes and smirks. “Don’t worry, buddy. I have a stellar feeling about this.” He turns and waggles his eyebrows at Gladio, who’s still frowning and lugging his sporting goods bag like it’s the chains of the afterlife. “Aw, don’t look so down, big guy! I’ll still train a little extra, if you want. ‘Cause I’m such a nice guy and all.” </p><p> </p><p><em> Three days later</em>... </p><p> </p><p>“Really, bro. You should’ve <em>seen </em>the looks on their faces after we left,” Prompto laughs over his filet mignon. He’s at a ridiculously expensive restaurant, but, hey—his girlfriend deserves a nice date, right? And plus, he has <em>money </em>now, so much more than his meager military stipend. One nice night isn’t going to hurt. They’ve ordered some fruity cocktails to celebrate their god-tier acting.  </p><p>___________ giggles as she sips her drink. “Gladio seriously didn’t believe you weren’t a virgin?” </p><p>Prompto huffs. “Ugh, that’s just how he is. Like, no one is as good with girls as he is, or whatever. Most of the time I can just ignore it, but he really got to me the other day. I was just super lucky he pointed you out.” </p><p>She snickers. “I was more than happy to help you con the nobles out of some money, Prom.” </p><p>Prompto sighs affectionately and cuts another hunk of his steak. “You’re the best, babe. This is why I love you.” </p><p>“So, I guess this means we have to go public with them, huh?” </p><p>Prompto nods. “Guess we kinda backed ourselves into a corner on that one. It’s okay. As long as they don’t find out we’ve been dating for like, a year, we’re good. There’s no way I can pay them back twenty thousand yen. Although...I have a feeling that Iggy would find it hilarious. He’d probably be like, ‘Gladio, that’s what you get for putting him up to the ridiculous stunt in the first place,’” Prompto says in his best mock Tenebraen accent.  </p><p>___________ laughs even more, clapping her hand over her mouth as several tables of old money shoot daggers in their direction.  </p><p>Prompto grins and reaches his foot out under the table to pet over her ankle. </p><p>His girlfriend winks at him. “Whaddaya say we hurry up and eat and get out of here? What was the line you used...my clothes would look better on the floor anyway?” </p><p>Prompto feels his cheeks heat up and he shoves more of the tender meat into his mouth, washing it down with the crisp alcohol as he swallows. “You got a deal!”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>JOKES ON THE GUYS, WE WERE ALREADY DATING PROMPTO LMAOOOOOO, GET REKT GLADIO</p></blockquote></div></div>
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